How My Son’s Autism (and a Whole Lot of Stress) Made Me a Better Consultant

I didn’t set out to become a consultant. I definitely didn’t think I’d spend my days helping leaders navigate conflict, change, and all the messy human dynamics that come with running an organization. But life has a funny way of giving you a crash course in the exact skills you’ll need down the road—whether you signed up for it or not.

For me, that crash course came from raising my son, who has intense and profound autism needs. When things are hard for him, they’re really hard. Think of a baby with colic—except he's a teenager. That level of stress? That’s just Tuesday at my house.

And here’s the thing: when your child struggles that profoundly, you don’t get to shrug your shoulders and hope for the best. You have to figure it out. You have to learn, quickly, how behavior works, how to interpret needs that aren’t always communicated in words, and how to create environments where regulation, trust, and connection are possible. You also have to learn how to manage your own exhaustion, your own emotions, and your own ability to function in a world that doesn’t stop just because your kid is having a tough day.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that all of this—all of it—was teaching me how to navigate some of the biggest challenges organizations face.

Behavior is Communication (Yes, Even in the Workplace)

One of the first things I had to learn as a parent was that all behavior is communication. If my son was melting down, there was always a reason—even if I didn’t see it right away. He wasn’t just being “difficult.” He was overwhelmed. He was experiencing sensory overload. He was trying to tell me something the only way he knew how.

Now, I see this play out in businesses all the time. A team that seems resistant to change? A CEO frustrated by constant turnover? Departments that just can’t seem to get along? That’s all communication. Something deeper is happening, and if you don’t take the time to understand it, you’re just going to keep treating symptoms instead of solving problems.

Empathy Isn’t Just a Buzzword—It’s a Survival Skill

When you’re raising a child with profound needs, you develop a level of empathy that’s borderline superhuman. You have to. You have to put yourself in their shoes, anticipate their challenges, and create a world that feels safe and manageable for them.

Turns out, organizations need this, too. When teams are in conflict or going through transitions, it’s almost always because people aren’t seeing each other as real human beings. The Arbinger Institute talks about this—how we stop seeing others as people with their own needs, fears, and pressures, and instead start seeing them as obstacles, problems, or just “that annoying person from accounting.” And once that happens? Good luck making progress.

What I do in my consulting work isn’t all that different from what I do at home. I help people slow down. I help them see what’s really happening beneath the surface. I help them start to recognize and understand each other again. And when that happens? Suddenly, collaboration isn’t so impossible.

Stress? Conflict? Been There. Handled That.

Listen, when you’ve spent years managing full-blown, knock-down, drag-out meltdowns in grocery stores, at doctor’s offices, and in school parking lots, a tense leadership meeting doesn’t exactly rattle you. I’ve had my patience tested in ways that make workplace conflicts feel like a mild inconvenience.

More importantly, I’ve learned how to stay calm when everything around me is chaotic. I’ve learned how to defuse tension, how to help people feel heard, and how to guide a situation toward resolution. That’s not something I picked up in a consulting course—that’s something I earned through years of lived experience.

The Strengths We Build in the Hardest Moments

I used to think the skills I developed as a parent were just that—parenting skills. But now, I see them for what they really are: leadership skills, conflict-resolution skills, human skills. And they’re the exact strengths that allow me to help businesses and organizations navigate their biggest challenges.

Life has a way of preparing us for things we don’t even see coming. The muscles we build early on—whether it’s managing stress, understanding behavior, or practicing deep empathy—become the strengths we rely on later. And in my case, those strengths are what help me show up, every day, for organizations that need someone to help them see each other clearly, move past their struggles, and build something better together.

E. H. Mulligan

I never thought my personal experiences would lead me here. Nothing about this journey was planned. But looking back? I wouldn’t change a thing.